A Walk to Remember

2004-01-19T17:56:00.000+10:00

Okay, I honestly can't be fucked updating here anymore. I have another blog, but it's for my use only. Sorry. Farewell.

2004-01-05T22:46:00.000+10:00

I was just cruising around on the Today Tonight website and I noticed this poll: Is age 17 too young to get married?
Obviously, it was answered by adults, with Yes being the majority vote (81%) and no being at just a lowsy %19.

Isn't it amazingly unfair? That adults presume everything about the every day teenager, when they don't know jackshit. Just because they were once a teenager, doesn't mean that what they experienced as a teenager is the same as being a teenager in today's world. For example, take a boy and girl who are about 15 who have sex and whoops something controversial happens and the girl gets pregnant. Now today's parents would say 'They're too young to be engaging in those things and I bet they didn't even talk about contraception!' But that is not true. I believe that if you are ready to have sex and your with someone you trust and blah blah, that you should do it. You'll have to experience it sometime in your life, and why not at the height of your sexual peak? And with the contraception thing, they teach us all about it in school so the parentals lives are easier.
Then there is that saying 'Boys will be boys'. I know that when I got into trouble for sex in the boarding house, the woman said 'As if Ben isn't going to tell all those rowdy year 9 boys, he's a boy and all boys are like that.' Now secretly in my head I was thinking 'Excuse me bitch, you know nothing about Ben so how DARE you say that, mole.' But to minus the swearing and without being rude I simply replied 'Ben isn't like that' and ugh, she LAUGHED in my face. So much for telling the truth. Does anyone remember that ad with the girl who played in the car with her friends and wrecked her parent's farm? But in the end she told the truth and admitted it was her and then everyone was happy because 'Even though you knew you were in big trouble, you still told the truth.' Ha, but unfortunately that is a "From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints ad" Haha, If christian parents are like that, then fucking baptise me and put me into a christian foster home.
When I watched Today Tonight, the adult world is complaining on how young drivers are inexperienced (no shit sherlock, they've only been on the roads for a few years, even months). Just because a majority of car accidents are people ages 17-24, means absolute shit all. Unlucky them, the fucking parentals can't say shit about us being inexperienced because it's not like we've been driving all our lives! There they go again, comparing us so called kids to them. We're not fucking perfect you know!
Now I come back to the poll question of 'Is age 17 too young to get married?' In my opinion I would have to say 'No fucking way.' As long as you feel you are with a person who treats you right and loves you etc, then why the fucking hell not? Maybe those 17 year old people feel that they don't need to live a life first. Arg, I'm so sick of stories on where the adult world complains about those young hooligans who got married when they are only 17. It's bullshit really, what ever happened to Love Fucking Conquers All?

Hate today's world. It's full of stereotypical shit. When will the older generations realise that today's world is different from what they have lived in.

2004-01-01T14:12:00.000+10:00

bah, I honestly can't be fucked writing in this anymore. Happy New Year Mofos.

2003-12-24T13:39:00.000+10:00

wowie new layout!

2003-12-23T12:47:00.000+10:00

Wow, I didn't update yesterday. Hmmm, I don't really have much to talk about. Damn the sun, it's hot as hell.
I miss Ben. *sniffles*

2003-12-21T16:05:00.000+10:00

Hello.
I'm fine today thanks. A bit tired, a bit bored.
I love Ben.
Have a nice day.
Bye.

2003-12-19T20:09:00.000+10:00

Hehe, Danielle recently found this on her computer:

One day, when we were feeling sentimental, we wrote lists of the things that we would like to do before we die.......just like Jamie From 'A Walk To Remember'......This is my list.

1. Backpack Through Europe And Asia
2. Smoke a classy handrolled Cuban cigar while hungover in the gutter.
3. Go to the defence force and study 'The Arts'
4. Start a band.
5. Kick John Howard Up the arse on his daily walk
6. Kiss Lucy Liu
7. Star In a re-make of Moulin Rouge
8. Have A Better Car Then Taity
9. Buy a house and paint the inside cow print.
10. At 20, Find Mrs Mitchell and kick her up the ass
11. Beat the living shit out of Libby Man.
12. Wedding ring to be white gold, encrusted with small diamonds and inscribed with 'I love thee' inside.
13. Ride a black stallion on the beach while the sun is setting.
14. Successfully astrally-project anywhere
15. Learn how to play the electric guitar.
16. Have hair straightened permenently
17. Have wild sex in a jail cell
18. Fly a jet in the air force
19. Find Atlantis
20. Own a property where horses run free
21. Own a ute, grow a mullet and drive in the Northern Territory
22. Marry someone who actually loves me for me.
23. To be happy forever.
24. Learn how to play the drums.
25. Have plastic surgery done to my face.
26. Adopt a child from Asia.
27. Get a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.
28. Work at a zoo and be a carer for a red panda.

2003-12-19T13:36:00.000+10:00

I updated some of my website today, replaced some ugly photos of me with some not-so-bad ones on my about me page. I'm sitting here, singing Delta. I'm in a good, happy mood. Yeh so if you get a chance, drop by my website, the link is on the navigation bar.

I finally told my friend Nick that he was very good looking and it's the truth. He was surpised and then commented on my ass. Actually, alot of people have been doing that lately and would have to steal a quote quote off Lgt: "I really dont like the fact that they were looking at my bum to start with." And that is the truth!

2003-12-18T14:00:00.000+10:00

I went to bed at 3am this morning, woke up thinking it was like 2pm in the arvo but it ended up being 9am! It was so hot, damn this weather. I played tennis today...on the nintendo. Hmmmm.
So I had this crazy idea of inviting Ben up to stay with me and Shack on new years, but the boy has no faith and didn't want my dad to ask his parents if he could go. It's just shit me off now and I feel stupid that I attempted to arrange the whole thing in the first place. Wow, I feel amazingly stupid, don't you hate that feeling when you try and do something that SEEMS worthwhile but it just ends up a waste. Well. Yeh over it now. If he doesn't want to come then he doesn't have to then.

Hmm, 8 more days until Shack comes up. Finally, something comes up.

2003-12-17T13:09:00.000+10:00

Bah. Another day, another peaceful afternoon nap which I have just awoken from. First thing I did was look in the mirror, I realised that I need to pluck my eyebrows, brush my hair and that I have a pimple coming up in a very hurtful part of my face which sucks ass. Another day with nothing to do. Woohoo, this would probably be better if I had a life.

The Whitlams were right, there's no aphrodisiac for lonliness.

2003-12-17T09:35:00.000+10:00

Hold on to me love
you know I can't stay long
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?

Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears

Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

Closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

Say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

I love Evanescence :)

2003-12-16T17:48:00.000+10:00

Well I just suddenly became really annoyed, angry and abusive. I don't know why. Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep. Sleep...something I don't do for long enough. Bah. There is absolutely nothing to do, at the moment I'm home alone because everyone else in the house has gone to my brother's play.

Hmm what can I bitch about? I can think about a lot of stuff, but it would be better not to mention it here.

I miss my friends.
I miss Ben.
I need to scan my formal pics.
I can't be bothered.

Damn my pathetic life. There's nothing to do. I wish Ben would get his arse online and read the email I sent to him the other day.

Bordem.

2003-12-16T15:27:00.000+10:00

I'm in a really sad, depressing mood right now. I just woke up from my usual, peaceful afternoon nap and I feel like shit.
For the past week, songs with really good, sad lyrics have been making me cry. I can't help it, but Limp Bizkit's new song 'Behind Blue Eyes' is bloody fantastic. The lyrics are simple, good and are what I am feeling now, except I have brown eyes and I am a female. Heh, I got into a bit of a shit last night, Ben's sister was telling me that at the last assembly Ben got all these awards and Libby...(grr) was sitting infront of her going 'Weeee go ben go ben!' Which drove me to the absolute shits and caused me to punch a hole in my wall. Well, here are the lyrics to 'Behind Blue Eyes'
Enjoy.

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

2003-12-16T12:00:00.000+10:00

bored bored bored.

2003-12-15T14:46:00.000+10:00

Dear Santa.

For christmas, I would like:
1. An acoustic guitar
2. The entire Baz Luhrman Trilogy DVD collection.
3. A Gamecube
4. A Gameboy Advance
5. A New cossie.
6. A wireless mouse.

and if it's not too much.....

7. A car, preferably a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.

I'm sure all of these things can be purchased online *wink wink*
Thank you.

2003-12-14T20:00:00.000+10:00

Hello Hello!
I'm in bateman's bay now...I've been staying at Shack's house and my auntys. It was okay.
Ben's in Brisbane at the moment for athletics, lucky arse. Bah it's been really hot.
I have nothing else to say.
My life is screwed right now.
It's my life, don't you forget, it never ends...until one day.

2003-12-03T21:21:00.000+10:00

Yeh well, I gots expelled from the boarding house, which means I have no place to stay so I've left. Tearful fairwells at the formal and with Ben. Yeh fuck it's not fair that I have to miss him heaps. Ah well, I'll scan some formal photos later in the month and post them here. Bah...ciao.

2003-11-26T08:32:00.000+10:00

Yeh well, I think I'm going to get expelled...not telling you guys here why. I'm leaving on Saturday forever, I'm never going to see Ben again, I'm really scared. I'm going to live in Melbourne. Yeh well, farewell.

2003-11-24T13:00:00.000+10:00

sorry, I havent been bothered in a while to actually post anything. This week I have exams, I just got back from my English one, it was kinda easy, I hope I pass because I think I did really well, I paced my time and I finished both sections completely. Tomorrow I have Maths and History. History is going to be so hard. I really wish that I didn't do history anymore, because I'm not very good with my brain with past stuff.

Ben? He's fine. Beautiful and gorgeous as usual, damn I'm bored now.
I better go....

2003-11-20T08:17:00.000+10:00

2nd last day of high school at last. Somehow we've gotten the idea of wearing guys uniforms and so now I'm sitting here wearing Ben's uniform, Essie is sitting next to me looking like a dyke and Hugh's infront of me wearing the chick's winter shit, damn it looks funny.

Gah, everything this week has been so fucked, I've had heaps of fights with Ben and I feel really bad.

Libby Man...remember that name...Libby fucking Man...the little princess of perfection. I hate her. I hate her.

Holly had her birthday piss-up the other night and I have to say I was a bit pissed off the champers...hmmm, well, yes, enough said today.

2003-11-16T19:17:00.000+10:00

Ben came over today. Oh he's so gorgeous, it's a pity he doesn't think so, it's like he doesn't appreciate what his parents gave him, when I reckon he should.

It's been a boring weekend...nothing but studying and thinking of Ben.

Tanya, get a life already.

2003-11-15T08:16:00.000+10:00

Ooo Wait, Inspirational lyrics for today!
The way you talk
The way you moving closer
The way you kiss
The way your deep inside me
Cause every time
Every time I think about you
I want you just
Just the way you are

2003-11-15T08:09:00.000+10:00

I'm really bored. It's 9.09am with nothing to do. I abandoned the idea of making that skirt for textiles and now I'm making a top, which looks waaay easier and besides I only have one more week to get things finished before exams. I've been studying non-stop, no really I have, yeh surprise surprise, Tanya who couldn't give a rats arse is studying. Maybe I'm changing, into a better person. Just imagine if I didn't study and failed my exams, Dad would've probably kicked me out of home and I'll be on the streets, doing drugs, probably becoming a prostitute.

Anyway, I went and saw the Matrix Revolutions with Gary and Clark last night, I was kinda disappointed at the movie, but I guess in a way it was okay.

I think I should do something for Ben, something to show him how sorry I am for putting him through so much shit, but what can I do? If anyone has any suggestions you can email me...my emails on the side of the page somewhere.

Well, I'm off to go watch DVDs, I'm so lonely. No more Jo or Soph, I've got nothing to do today, BORING!

2003-11-14T23:30:00.000+10:00

Hmm, I really wish I was involved in a relationship now...haha 3 guesses you can guess who I want one with. Damn I just love Ben, everything about him I love...like that smile could light the darkest room. He knows how to look at me and make me smile. Every day, every time i see him, my love for him grows even more strong. Even though I've been in love with other people, this feeling for Ben is different. I make myself depressed, thinking about how perfect he is, and i know i can't have him. I've tried showing him how I feel and I know he knows that I care for him deeply, I swear, he'll always be a part of me. I love him soo much. Okay enough crying, I'm going to bail off to bed.

2003-11-14T07:52:00.000+10:00

I spent all of Wednesday night writing Ben a 2 page letter on why he should go back out with me. Damn it took ages, even though I should've really been studying. I gave it to him and he read it but unfortunately he said no and felt really bad, but I stated in my letter that 'If you read this all and feel bad and don’t want to go out with me then please just don’t feel bad, just smile and be happy that someone out there really cares for you'. I don't know what to do, I broke down last night just before I went to sleep, I broke down mentally, it was really bad, I didn't sleep until 3am and now, i'm just tired as fuck because of it.

Hows about there was this car that caught on fire right outside my house on Wednesday night. It was really bad and it could've exploded, so scary!

Josefine's left yesterday, I'm going to miss her heaps because her humour was just so random! I really missed Max the other night, because we were having this boarding house session of looking at old photos, I cried really hard.

Chris green just made me cry a little in class the other day, Benny was saying 'do you love Ben?' and I'm like 'yeh' and then Chris goes 'Oh he fucking hates you' I don't know why but it really got to me and I started shedding tears.

2003-11-12T16:17:00.000+10:00

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you.

I decided I couldn't be friends with ben today because of complications so I told him, I reckon it was the hardest thing I could ever tell him, but to me, seeing his face with a 'I don't think I really care' look just got to me and I broke down crying at lunch. Anyway, I made up with him later, it kills me though that I'm trying to study hardcore and I can't because I can only think of Ben. Well I'm off, bye bye.

2003-11-11T11:17:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting in Religon, listening to Alex Lloyd, bored out of my mind.
People are telling me that I should just ask Ben out again, but they don't understand that he doesn't like me anymore. People say to me that he says he does to people which is complete shit because I know for sure he doesn't. At the moment, I'm lucky to be friends with him, even though I really really just want to go out with him because I love him heaps. I wonder what he thinks about everytime I tell him I love him? Does he feel bad? Does he appreciate it? Who knows, boys are funny things, still, girls need them in order to survive :) Well, If I do try and ask him out again (which I will never do), it would have to be a moment where I don't feel awkward enough and also at a moment where he isn't pissed off with me.
God damn, he's so hot. One of my friends likes him, which I'm really jealous about because she is actually in his grade and it sucks, but honestly I don't think she would even try and do anything because of me. Ohhhhhh I really really wish I was going out with him still, but then, I wouldn't have realised that he was unhappy because of my depression,

2003-11-10T12:41:00.000+10:00

Well, saturday night was interesting. Wigg's party in kingston, well you know me enough to know that I can't be arsed writing big stories so dot points are heading your way.

-Spent saturday in town and got my formal dress and shoes :)
-Went to Essie's house with Essie and co.
-Got ready for the party.
-Went to the corner shop to buy coke.
-Started a party in the shop.
-Went to wiggs
-Got shitfaced.
-Apparently got with Ella and had her sitting in my lap.
-Went to MBS's house.
-Went to sleep.

Damn I was hung over though. Ben came over on Sunday and discovered a massive spider in my room, fucking oath it was HUGE!!
anyway, I'm off, bye bye signing out :)

2003-11-07T08:05:00.000+10:00

I'm smiling on the inside
I found out that an old friend of mine committed suicide. Can't let it affect me too much though, one more depression mood and Ben will kill me. Anyway, I better go. D and Benny are secretly talking about me.

2003-11-06T18:06:00.000+10:00

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~

If I know what love is,
It is because of you.
~ by Herman Hesse ~

I'm so star struck in love with you know who, it's driving me insane, damn damn damn I hate it but love it at the same time. *hits her head*
Hit me somebody, pleeease.

2003-11-06T15:50:00.000+10:00

"Seductively innocent in your eyes...."
Or not...I'm obsessed with Kylie's 'Slow'
"Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow. Skip a beat and move with my body...yeah, slow"

Anyway, nothing much happened today, except I've cut me hand open which sucks ass, who would put metal strips on lockers?

Oh wait, move over kylie, here comes natalie imbruglia:
"I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn"

Damn her lyrics are good. Yeh I really wish Ben would talk to me more at school and damn I should stop my whining, *hits desk*

2003-11-04T18:20:00.000+10:00

I had the worse dream last night, I dreamt that Ben died after an arguement between us, I woke up afterwards, crying, I cried so hard I had to throw up because I felt so sick with myself. It was so bad...damn damn I love him, my year 8 girls basketball team lost their game to sacred heart, which sucks because I hate that school so much. waa waa waa, I'm tired..lalala, "and dream of me, I wish you would dream of me.." bored bored bored. Post later, anyone reading this write me a message on my chatboard which is on the right of this page somewhere.

2003-11-04T09:25:00.000+10:00

I had to get this off my chest 'I love Ben' fuck, I'm not over him at all, I havent deleted all the sweet emails he sent me during the holidays, I can quote them all, I can't stop ringing him up, I only think about him. Gah, love sucks.

2003-11-03T13:02:00.000+10:00

Taani's Party was on Saturday night. It was alright, but could've been better. Ben came ^_^ yay and what I remember of him is promising to be best friends forever, aww he's so cute.
I got hell ripped up in the backyard and I swear that half the people at the party were! Well I'm sitting in creative writing right now with Damo on my side, he's a darlin :) Anyway I better go.
Ciao! xox

2003-10-31T08:10:00.000+10:00

Burn bitch burn...
I'm in creative writing, I'm supposed to be writing a children's picture book, but I can't be bothered at the moment. I got my year 10 formal invite yesterday and you have to pay $45.50 when you RSVP which sucks major ass. Me and the girls are hiring a double decker bus to get to the formal in and it's going to be so cool. My friends invited Ben to the after formal, but he doesn't want to come...I really want him to, but I guess he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to.

mmm, I can smell nice food coming from the foods room. I'm hungry now, damn I like never eat when I'm supposed to but when I'm in front of people I pig out like there's no tomorrow, I guess I don't want people to think I'm ana because they say I'm really skinny.

Well I'm bailing.

2003-10-27T18:26:00.000+10:00

*update*
Okay, Ben called me up and we sorted things out, so I'm fine now...thank god :)

2003-10-27T16:38:00.000+10:00

oo, I just read someone's blog and found some interesting lyrics.

"And I don't care if you don't love me
And I don't care if you won't change
I could live inside the shadow that I cast on you
And the myth that you would stay
And I'll be home before the morning comes,
You won't have to be alone

And I try but I'm not convincing
Your lips, they pout and twist
And I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you.
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need
Just keep me guessing please"

2003-10-27T16:26:00.000+10:00

Hmm, what's a word that could describe what I'm feeling right now? Shattered, Ripped, Torn, Distorted are a possible four. Yep that's right, Smiley Smiley Tan Tans is unhappy and all because of him (Ben). Okay, on weekends he's an absolute angel and during weekdays at school he's a complete arse....umm hello? To him, it seems that the situation is "Oh I talked to her and spent time with her during the weekend but please not at school". Today he called me a loser when I tried to talk to him. He's right, I am a loser, I let him use me and all because I love him so much. Eventhough he warned me by saying "no I am using you, can we please stop" I said "no I don't mind, I just want to make you happy" and now, my friends have frowned upon me because of my stupidity. I just want to apologise to everyone. I'm so sorry.

2003-10-26T10:46:00.000+10:00

Friday night:

-I went up to Jade's shack with Anna, Annie and Colette.
-We got there and everyone's pissed off their head.
-Bogans rocked up started a fight
-Called the cops
-Went to bed
-Started girly sexual threesomes
-Went to sleep.

Saturday Night:

-Went for a cruise with chris rowbottom and his friend
-rescued his friend's dad from causing a fight
-went bar hopping in salamanca
-went home

Yeh what a great weekend.

2003-10-24T13:44:00.000+10:00

Okay, I really can't be bothered typing a full length story of yesterday so I'll just do dot points in order of things.

-Yesterday was a public holiday because of show day so Ben came over and we walked to the Botanical Gardens and looked at all the prettiness.
-Yesterday was also when the Hutchins social was on at Isobar. Ben wouldn't come because he decided to go to Jades so me and Soph went but we had to wait for all my year 10 friends to come at 8.
-While we were waiting, undercover cops came and searched our bags, we had 2 cans of woodstock, but I pulled some Jedi master bullshit and covered them up and we got away with it.
-About 20mins later, Ellie ran over and told us that my friends got caught by the same undercover cops and got $50 worth of grog taken off them.
-We finally met the girls and I shared the woodstock with MBS.
-We hurried to Isobar because apparently you couldn't get in because there were too many people in there, so we lined up outside with all these bogans and stuff but we didn't get in, so we all started a party at Parliment lawns.
-Couldn't be bothered staying there, so we went back to Isobar at 10pm and got in for the last hour.
-It was okay, I told this Briallen chick that's obsessed with ben that she had to stay the fuck away from him it was so funny.
-Afterwards, I saw an old friend (Chris Rowbottom) and he took me home in his Holden barina (GO BARINAS!)

An eventful night, tonight I'm going to Jades, but noo Ben isn't going to be there because he went last night. Damn it to hell. Anyway, Anna's coming over in an hour so I gtg, bye bye.

2003-10-21T18:54:00.000+10:00

Fucking oath, dad's just told me that he's getting married to his girlfriend...he doesn't fucking need another woman, it's just going to be a repeat of my mum and my brother's mum. He says he's always broke because of me and James, how the hell is he going to financially support another woman and HER child?

2003-10-20T11:28:00.000+10:00

I love Ben so much. I don't mean to be annoying but I really do. At the moment, I'm at school, we aren't having gathering for some reason, so we're doing private study. It's quiet....too quiet, I dislike the quiet now. Yay, I'm not depressed anymore, I swear, well I do feel better about my self now for some reason, I think it's the fact that if I ever spoke of dying or stuff like that ever again I would get kicked out of the boarding house and I don't want that to happen because I'll be out on the street. Maybe, if I act happier than I am now, Ben will probably like me again and then again, maybe not. Damn that. I miss him heaps right now, oh I love him, so so much, maybe If I dream every night that he'll ask me back out then I'll wake up one morning and it will happen, after all, a dream is a wish your heart makes. Oo, only 3 days of school this week, because of Show Day and the pupil-free day, yay. Isobar on Thursday night, I hope Ben comes. I have a note to give to him, bah, I'll give it to him later, well I'm bailing. :)

2003-10-19T20:05:00.000+10:00

Ben says to say 'I like motorbikes'

Yeh, it's been really really hot in hobart lately, which is good because it is perfect weather for tanning. I went to the Aths carnival yesterday and roasted like a pig on a spit roast. Hmmm, well nothing else to say except that Ben came over today. I love him heaps.

2003-10-14T20:00:00.000+10:00

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

5. Never frown, even when your are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

I bolded number 5 because it's true, very true. I know the feeling, it makes you feel sick in your stomach. Wow two posts today, I'm feeling special :)

2003-10-14T19:03:00.000+10:00

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

owwiooo, I love Ben so much. I wish so hard that I could just wake up in the morning and go to school and hopefully everything would be okay, and I would be going out with him still. Maybe I should just go and bang my head on the wall and tell myself to stop dreaming because nothing is EVER going to happen. Galaxid rock...."I lie awake, not dreaming, just thinking of you, my mind is so distorted but that's not anything new. What I don’t understand, I can find out, we’ll walk together hand in hand before the end. Have you ever told someone you love them? Its not easy to do, when I’m with you I feel high above them, How about you?" Nick's a good songwriter and tomorrow I'm doing front of house for Deadwood Dick and he's in it so yay!

Bah, sometimes I feel like there is a hole inside me, maybe it's because no one loves me and I lack love. Whoops sorry, I'm not supposed to talk about death/negativity/unhappiness...otherwise people get angry and I don't want that otherwise they'll just hate me more. Ah fuck Ben just go back out with me already!!!!!

2003-10-13T18:39:00.000+10:00

"Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow.."

Romeo & Juliet is so cool. It would have to be my 2nd favourite after A Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeh yesterday was my birthday. Me and soph went to the movies and saw Finding Nemo, it's so cute and it's really good. I got $135 from Stephanie, Dad, Gran & Aunty Joan, Some body shop stuff from Zindz, Chocolate from Joelle and Mutsumi and tomorrow I'm getting a mobile phone from Mum, which means yay, more smsing people.

*sigh* I still love Ben heaps, ahh I how long is it going to take to get over him? I don't want to get over him, he's too perfect. i love him, i love him, i love him.........

2003-10-11T16:58:00.000+10:00

Today i went and helped at the athletics carnival, it was cool because i got to perv on ben and see him all day which is cool. it's my birthday tomorrow! but ben isn't gonna be there because he's going to burnie to do the burnie 10....awww, he's so athletic and perfect and gorgeous and ahhhh don't forget HOT. Well, i better go, oh my, i love ben...

2003-10-06T13:06:00.000+10:00

Yeh now I'm sitting in Creative Writing. I talked to Ben at lunchtime, I hate the fact that I can't really tell him some of the stuff that I want to tell him, because I'm scared he won't take it. Yes I want to get back with him. YesI love him heaps. WHY? can't he just get back with me already??? i'm going insane.....hmm I think I'll go on on a bludgy walk around the school and smash my fist into some walls. bye bye

2003-10-06T08:56:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting in Religion right now. I'm supposed to be doing this anti-semitism essay but I can't be bothered. I haven't updated in a while, sorry for that, I probably posted yesterday but that seems like ages to me. Anyway I'll put a saying here cos I can't be arsed doing anything else.

"And all that we See and Seem is but a Dream within a Dream..."

Have a nice day :)

2003-10-04T18:58:00.000+10:00

I went into town today. Not looking for anyone in particular, but then I ran into Anna, Miz, Katie, Maddie, Amali and Mel. Hmmm yeh I brought this waistband thing from supre, oh lord I'm turning into a shopping freak, yeh I taxed this pretty ring from this shop and I'm obsessed with it.

Yeh I still love Ben, heaps and heaps, I miss him heaps aswell. I hope he comes to visit me tomorrow because I'm having withdrawal symptoms from not seeing him as much as I used to. Oh why why why did he have to break up with me?? Hmm I'm bored and I'm feeling inspired to put some song lyrics on here.

Let the light, from the light house, let it shine on me!
I wonder, I wonder, if the light, from the lighthouse, would shine on me.

Here is my thought, this is my plea
Lord let your holy light, shine on me.
I wonder would you, hear my prayer?
I know I'm not worthy, but I need your help.
Lord shine your light, shine it this way.
Shine it so I can see which way to take.
My faith is in you, to bring me through, I have one question.

I wonder, I wonder, if the light, from the light house, would shine on me.

2003-10-03T21:34:00.000+10:00

I swear songs that just appear one day seem to relate what's goin on with stuff in my life...this so relates to Ben...ahhhh *cries* I lurve him, haha me and Josefine just watched 'A Walk to Remember' she was bawling her eyes out and so did I...ahh I'm so pathetic.

Dido-White Flag
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

2003-09-29T20:46:00.000+10:00

Ben broke up with me last week. I'm so fucking stupid. I've hurt him so much though. I really can't like sleep or anything and as if you would look at pics and read poems from your ex-boyfriend for like 2 hours straight. I really really want to get back together with him. I'm considering giving him my diary full of thoughts on him, but he doesn't like me nagging so I'll just try and wait awhile.

2003-09-19T11:50:00.000+10:00

On wednesday night I went camping with Daz, Chopper and Doherty. It was a weird night, I'll add some quotes from that night here:

"Damn You"
BOOM....*girly voice* "Yay!*
"I was born when my mum and dad used 2 contraceptives...yeh but gladwrap and a rubber band doesn't count"
"Pineapples"
"It's like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it"

I'll add more when I can be bothered.

2003-09-15T21:02:00.000+10:00

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have no hope, how can this be true??? I would prefer Insanity or Lonliness.

2003-09-14T16:17:00.000+10:00

wow! A new layout courtesy of Maystar designs...I think it's pretty :) anyway, Boris coming up to the bay tomorrow so I have to make him deals with Daz for some weed and things. Well, cheerio ^_^

2003-09-13T20:59:00.000+10:00

Ah fark, I just spilt water all over myself, yeh smart one Tanya. I'm so bored, I can't believe I have to waste away at my computer for another week. Soph's gonna chuck, Ben doesn't like it...I'll miss out on taxing stuff from Stoner's party and aaaargh, this blog layout needs serious updating.

I was on the phone to Ben last night, atm I'm sick and I was coughing up blood, he advised me to go to a doctor but I can't be arsed. I feel really bad, I've been talking about death/dying and shit heaps to him and I feel really sorry for him to put up with it. I'm sorry Ben! I love you heaps okay?

Anyway, off I go...bye bye

2003-09-13T16:35:00.000+10:00

jamie sullivan

Which 'A Walk to Remember' character(s) do you resemble the most (female)?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-12T16:04:00.000+10:00

here's my favourite quote by Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion:

Mountain, heavy are the mountains
But that changes, with the passage of time
Sky, blue sky, what your eyes can't see, what your eyes can see
The sun, one, only one
Water, it is agreeable, Commander Ikari
Flowers, so many the same, so many without purpose
Sky, sky of red, red the color, the color I hate
Liquid flows, it drips, ripples, and pours
Blood, scent of blood, woman who does not bleed
From the red soil the humans come
Humans made by man and woman
City, a human creation
Eva, a human creation as well
What are humans?
Are they creations of God?
Humans, that which is created by humans
This is that which is mine
My life, my heart
I am a vessel for my thoughts
The entry plug, the throne of the soul
Who is this? This is me
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am I.
This object that is, is myself
That which forms me
This is the self that can be seen, and yet this is not like that which is myself
A strange feeling
My body feels as if it is melting
I can no longer see myself
My form, my shape fades from view
Awareness dawns of someone who is not me
Who is here? There? Beyond me, here
Shinji
This person I know, Major Katsuragi
Dr. Akagi
People, my classmates
The pilot of Unit Two
Commander Ikari
Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

2003-09-12T15:54:00.000+10:00

"If you believe that dreams come true
There's one that's waiting there for you
'Cause I believe when I saw you
That when you want something enough
Then it can't escape your love
There is nothing in the world that cannot be
If you believe

Never wished for material thing
Never needed wind in my wings
I never wished for anything but you
I can't explain it
Someone just told me
Go where your heart is
You'll never be lonely"

I'm obsessed with 'A Walk to Remember' which stars Mandy Moore and the gorgeous Shane West. It's such a touching story and it always makes me cry.

I've just found out I have to spend an extra week in Nsw, which sucks balls cos I hate it here. Dad's a fuckhead..$100 extra bucks isn't going to hurt him, if he didn't have his bloody girlfriend over then he wouldn't have a problem, maybe if he NEVER had a girlfriend in the first place then we would be financially fine. I swear he thinks he is made of money, but he doesn't know that he is majorly in Debt, and why does he lie to me about his money problems all the time? and when he can't be bothered doing anything why does he make up some other story. Thank god, Aunty Joan supports my views and not Dad's. She's not too impressed with his girlfriend either, and she always reassures me that I can move out whenever I want after I turn 16. But if I'm going to do that, I'll have to get a job and save up to rent a place of my own. Hopefully, I'll be able to live in Tasmania for the rest of my schooling years, It would just fuck me up if I had to go to school in sydney for years 11&12. Dad's always saying 'I don't know how I'm going to pay for it, I havent paid for any of your Friends' fees so far' what a fuckup, I wouldn't be at friends if he didn't pay for it now and what about Gran's inheritence? Surely I remember her something saying how his inheritance goes to me and James for our schooling. I miss her so much, I miss Ben aswell. Somebody just kill me and leave me here to bleed.

2003-09-09T16:01:00.000+10:00

You're Cecilia Lisbon, the youngest daughter!

Which Lisbon Sister from The Virgin Suicides are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-09T15:57:00.000+10:00

Hooray, it's school holidays. I'm up here in sunny Bateman's Bay which sucks penis cos I miss Ben heaps. I really like the relationship I have with him.
For some reason, everytime I kiss him I get this really nice feeling inside of me that I haven't had before with other people, strange isn't it?
I've updated my website heaps because I've had nothing better to do with my life and I'm an internet junkie anyway. DanYell came over yesterday and it was cool to hang with her again.

Now I'm really bored. Oh Ben wrote the sweetest poem about me the other day, it made me cry heaps because I miss him soo much!
Gorgeous smiles that light my day,
Putting a spring in my step as I go on my way,
A beautiful voice that rings in my head,
And stays there long after I go to bed,
Genius jokes that me make grin,
Making me realise there is no better girl I could win,
Without her I don't think I could live,
There's no one I'd rather be with.
Aww, it's so sweet, I can't get over it. I love him so much. Anyway, I'll bail catchyas!

2003-09-02T09:32:00.000+10:00

You Are A Plum Flavored Condom!

Strong, unconventional, and more than a little weird.

No one's quite sure what you'll pull next in bed, except that it will feel good.

If it's been thought of, chances are that you've tried it!

What Flavor Condom Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-08-27T19:31:00.000+10:00

Alen's Party!
Alen's was last saturday night. It was a dress up and fucking awesome as shit!! I was a slutty girl council worker who wore short short denim shorts and a white wifebeater singlet. Ben went as a copper and DAMN he looked hot...hahaha we also had a bit of a shag in Alen's neighbour's backyard! hehehe, anyway, I slept over afterwards and I was the only girl!! hehehe, it was pretty funny.

Yup, Ben's great, I love him heaps...oo I've been playing basketball for the firsts team, exciting? yep yep, oh it's okay I guess. Well, I better bail, if you wanna see a pic of ben go to www.geocities.com/lucy_candyangel/ben.jpg....he's the one on the left...hehee

2003-08-12T20:11:00.000+10:00

Your Bedroom Personality Is Subtle!

You get what you want... somtimes.

What this means:

You're all for getting what you want in bed.

But you rather suggest than tell.

You're all sexual undertones - not overtones.

What your lovers love about you:

You tend to work your lover into a frenzy with teasing and flirting.

You are sweet and complementary, never too demanding.

Sex with you is a low pressure affair.

What your lovers can't stand about you:

You seem sexually moody at times...

And damn hard to please at others.

And you'll hardly ever open up about sex.

What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-08-09T13:50:00.000+10:00

In a recent turn of events, Ben asked me out and Yay, I'm going out with Ben! Oh he's gorgeous, sweet and absolutely beautiful hehehe. I'm going to Melbourne next weekend to see dad, oh fun yeh. He's brought his girlfriend over from the Philippines so I get to see her...Oh I wish I had time to post in this now, but I hardly ever do...I'll try my hardest though, promise.

2003-07-27T14:29:00.000+10:00

Hey jackasses. hahaha, oh stop me. Yeh. Well House drama was CRAP. My voice sucked and I believe that's what made us lose. Growl...growl...I'm into another year 9 boy again. Ben hunn is wicked and I love him, but despite my effort with asking him out, he said no..ahh well :( anyway seeya.

2003-07-21T22:07:00.000+10:00

Max left on Sunday...ohhh I miss him so much. I feel a bored post coming on, maybe I'll post one of those test things. I'm developing feelings for someone else other than Tom and no it's not Tom Carter (for all you freaks who think that's who it is)
___BASICS
001. name : Tanya Davis
002. nicknames : Tan, Tania Schwain, Tandora, Yobbo
003. sex : female
004. birthday : 12th of October
005. age : 15..moving on to sweet 16
006. star sign : Libra
007. place of birth : Melbourne
008. current residence: North Hobart
009. hair color : Dark Brown not black you people who can't see
010. eye color : brown
011. height : around 167cm
012. writing hand : Right
____BODY iLLS + SKiLLS
013. do you bite your nails : Yes.
014. can you roll your tongue : Yes
016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time : only the left
017. can you blow smoke rings: no
018. can you blow spit bubbles : sometimes
019. can you cross your eyes: If you mean cross-eyed yeh
020. colored hair: haven't in a while
021. tattoos and where : none but I want one
022. piercing and where : ears
023. do you make your bed daily : no
024. what goes on first bra or underwear : My knickers for sure
025. which shoe goes on first : Whatever fits
036. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone : Yes
037. how much money is usually in your wallet? Usually nothing
038. what jewelry do you wear 24/7 : None, dislike jewelery
039. whats sexiest on a guy : His hair and his eyes and his clean dress sense.
040. whats sexiest on a girl : Her hair and her eyes and her neat non skank dress.
041. would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great : Be on time.
042. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it : Twirl all the way baby
043. how many cereals are in your cabinet : some rice bubbles, rolled oats
044. what utensils do you use eating pizza : hands
045. do you cook? when i can/can be bothered
____GROOMiNG
046. how often do you brush your teeth : Every morning
047. how often do you shower/bathe : Every morning
048. how long do these showers last: about 20mins
049. hair drying method : towl
050. do you paint your nails : when there is nail polish and i can be bothered
051. do you swear : I have a very bad habit, I'm cutting down.
052. to yourself : yes
053. do you spit in public : sometimes
054. do you pee in the shower : No, sorry.
055. what's in the cd player : NOFX
056. person you talk most on the phone with : My mum.
057. what color is your bedroom : creamy white?
058. do you use an alarm clock : when i have to wake up
059. name one thing or person you're obsessed with: I think I'm obsessed with tom...geez.
060. have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex : Yes
061. ever sunbathed in the nude: No
062. window seat or aisle : window
063. whats your sleeping position: on my side
064. what kind of bed do you like : My nice queen sized one back in Bateman's bay
065. in hot weather do you use a blanket : Sometimes
066. do you snore : Dunno
067. do you sleepwalk : no
068. do you talk in your sleep : YEs!
069. do you sleep with a stuffed animal : no
070. how about the light on : no, waste of power
071. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on : no
____WHEN WAS THE LAST TiME YOU
072. had sex : Half a year ago...shame on me for being young.
073. were kissed or kissed someone : amali's party...:(
074. watched bambi : don't know
075. cried : Yesterday
076. talked on the phone : Tonight
077. read a book : thursday/friday
078. punched someone : Today, but it was a playful punch
____MUSiC
079. is music important to you : Yes, singing is important to me
080. do you sing? : yes
081. what instruments do you play? : hahaha I suck at instruments
082. what do you think of Eminem : His music is too simple for my liking and he sucks, white trash.
___DO YOU LiKE
083. pop music : Depends if it's before the 80's
084. rock music : Yes yes
085. punk music : Yes yes yes
086. rap music : Get out, I hate you
087. hip-Hop/RB : It's okay
088. country : no
089. jazz : no
090. classical : no
091. new age : Yes
092. what is one band/singer you absolutely love that no one else does or seems to have heard of? : F4, some chinese band
093. your word : i love tom, GOD HELP ME!

2003-07-04T20:35:00.000+10:00

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-29T12:17:00.000+10:00

I can now play 'By the Way' by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and the intro to 'The Greatest view' by Silverchair...haha well they sorta sound like the actual songs.

2003-06-26T20:43:00.000+10:00

Woah, blogger has all changed now...wooo it's weird, cos I can't read my previous posts, but it's definately better looking. I've learnt to read guitar tabs and can play 'Tomorrow' and 'Knocking on Heaven's Door' by Avril....bah, I'm starting to despise Avril actually, but her songs are easy to sing...hehehe, I'm now trying to play kiss from a rose by seal, which looks easy but since i'm shit, it's crap.

Apparently Louise catches the same bus as Tom and he said 'I had sex with Hugh!' and that really is just not true!! Anyway, I'm going. I'm still having bad luck!!

2003-06-25T20:36:00.000+10:00

Okay the past 4 days have been the worst in my life...here we go point form:
-I went to Amali's party and got with Hugh (it was quick and nothing)
-I told Tom and he immediantly stopped talking to me
-Got dumped on Monday
-I've been crying non-stop every night
-Nick reckons I used Tom
-Didn't hand in an assignment on time so I'm grounded for two weeks, maybe four if I don't catch up
-Lost my locker key, the spare is in my locker with my blazer and the master key doesn't work
-Tom will hardly talk to me now led me to do some things
-I spoke to Aunty Joan on the phone and she is constantly reminding me of what Gran was like before she died.
-I miss Gran and Tom more than anything
-I'm completely fucked in the head right now.
-I'm completely lost without Tom
-I always fuck up relationships

Why am I such a fuck up, I wrote a note to Tom like on Monday saying 'Okay maybe we shouldn't go out' then changed my mind after he read it. I really really really actually do like him and I really really want to go out with him again...ahhh I can't live with guilt of what I've done. I was his first girlfriend...I feel so so bad with myself. I fucked up the best relationship I've ever had...I'm going. Bye.

2003-06-22T12:23:00.000+10:00

I am 69% Tortured Artist

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com

2003-06-22T12:19:00.000+10:00

I am 61% Punk Rock

The intelligent punk. Tuff and Smart. I may be able to maintain a train of thought long enough... What the fuck was I talking about?

Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com

2003-06-10T00:46:00.000+10:00

I slit my wrists
but you dont see why
you think i am faking
you think i am a joke
soon you will see
that you are wrong

I cut away my cares
with the slashes upon my wrists
only becasue i have no other way to release my pain
release my anger
release my stress
release my saddness
you cant get mad at me when i cut
you cant yell at me and tell me to drop it
it will make me want to do it more
i cant stop becasue someone wants me to
although i try so hard
and i mean i really do
cant you see that ive been good?
cant you see ive been trying?
no need to take that knife i have in my hand away from me
i wont use it on myself

i dont show my cuts off
i dont wear my depression upon my sleeve
i keep it bottled up
locked up
deep down inside
i keep my cuts
and i keep my scars
hidden from the world
so no one can see
you wear what you call your depression
what you call your self-mutilation problem
upon your sleeve
for all the world to see

i was sick and you ignored
turned your back on my feelings
now im dead
and now you regret not helping me
when you should have

2003-06-09T16:15:00.000+10:00

I watched the Avril replay of when she was on channel V...fuck she was good!!!

2003-06-08T21:06:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday Gran, You would've been 90 years old today! I miss you soo much!

2003-06-04T23:17:00.000+10:00

It's getting dark, too dark to see,
Feels like I'm knocking on heaven's door.

Knock, knock knocking on heaven's door.
Knock, knock knocking on heaven's door.

I miss you Gran. You always showed how much you loved me, but I never really showed how much I cared for you back. I know you were excited to see me, but you slipped away before you could. Your funeral was lovely and even Ian and Daniel came. Daniel's sorry that we broke the washing line when we were little. I don't want the house to be sold. Well, I love you so much, you said you would never leave me, but you had to. You devoted your life to making others happy and you never wanted anything for yourself. I saw you in the coffin and I held your hands and kissed your forehead and I was so shocked to find that you were so lifeless and cold because I always knew you as a warm person. You always loved me no matter how bad I was, I always thought you would be here forever. I really want you back, but you can't come back. You didn't really give us a chance to say goodbye, but I'll do it now. Goodbye Gran, I'll miss you more than anything, memories are forever and don't forget; I love you.

2003-06-02T14:30:00.000+10:00

approximately 2 days ago, my dearest grandmother passed away...and it was only going to be a week until saw her next! Apparently she was so excited that she was going to see me, it made me cry so much. I can't really stop crying, she was more like my mum to me. Anyway the funeral is on Wednesday and right now I'm at Manilla airport waiting for my flight back to Singapore and my flight to Melbourne so I can go and see my family. I miss Tom heaps right now. I really just want to go back to tassie and be with my friends. Well hopefully my flight won't be cancelled cos of shitty weather otherwise I'll be spewin. Toodles.

2003-05-26T17:30:00.000+10:00

Okay well here I am, direct from Angeles City, Philippines! As I said, I'll post what I did in Singapore here:

-Okay since we had one day in Singapore, we went around to the Hindu temples and the Singapore zoo which was really really cool cos in every exhibit your standing just a metre away from every animal!! :D

Well now I'm here, apparently we have a mass typhoon warning and it's currently RAINING AHHHH!!

I miss Tom heaps, I've never really been apart from him so far...he's gone to Broome...so it's all good.

2003-05-25T10:33:00.000+10:00

G'day, I'm currently in Singapore waiting for my flight to manilla, well this is short, i'll post what I did in Singapore later. Cheerio!

2003-05-18T12:20:00.000+10:00

Okay As soon as Ellie came out of John Greens she packed up her stuff and left, looks like she's out on her bike.....ahhh being grounded sucks, I miss Tom, haven't seen him for a while or talked to him....*sniffles* haha sniffles is a funny word. I want to go down to the shop and buy a big slab of chocolate, but I can't...I'm dying without my voice. Apparently Michael has the same thing and he went to the doctor who said it'll clear up in 4-6weeks, ahhh that means my voice is going to be permenently CRAP! ahhhh hello, talent show on wednesday...noooo, jenny expects me to sing and I have the Eistedford after the holidays...NOOOOOOOO

2003-05-17T17:04:00.000+10:00

You are Rogue!

You are sexy and strong willed, and able to take on
just about anyone. You long for a serious
relationship, but whenever you begin to get
close to someone things always seem to take
turns for the worse. But you have dealt with
this lack of closeness with an almost constant
flirtacious behavior.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sheesh, another fangirl. Well, I dont blame you.
How can any woman resist a sexy body, and the
ruggedness that is Wolverine? Hes a loner by
nature, a heavy drinker, and is plagued by
memories of his past...or lack thereof. It may
take time to work your way into his heart, but
when you do, he'll do anything for his woman.
Just be careful, he has a tendency to stab
people in his sleep. ^_^;;

Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla

oooo lush, he's sooo hot for an older guy

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
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2003-05-17T16:53:00.000+10:00

eep, I've never been so friggin bored in my whole life!! I've been writing endless emails to old friends, cooking eggs and copying every song from my friend's cds onto my computer, I even watched the dodgy midday movie!! Being grounded sucks hardcore, but what am I supposed to learn from it? It's pretty stupid in my opinion....ooo and singing in my head is just oh so much fun...*sarcasim finishes here* ahhhhh dying without my voice. Dad rang and told me I'm going to Singapore on like Saturday morning then staying there for one night then the philippines on Sunday...how unexpected is that? hehehe, YAY! Tanning here I come....

Oh, prepare for more bored posts, maybe even some quizzes, quizzes are fun...cheerio.

2003-05-17T10:15:00.000+10:00

Just came back from John Green's house, I swear he has false teeth. Anyway, Ellie's still over there being interogated by John...scary, I saw her head shake a couple of times. Oh well it's for her own fucking good. She's a fucking bitch anyway.

I've had this really bad cold all week and my voice has like completely changed...I haven't been able to sing for a week, which is really depressing for me because I'm always singing! I sing and I don't even realise I am...ahhhhh, I hope it doesn't alter my voice at all.

2003-05-16T21:49:00.000+10:00

Ahh fuck, somehow Jenny and Kathryn found out about Saturday night and we're all grounded, looks like Ellie is going to be kicked out and back to England....tomorrow we have to go to John Green's house to apologise....like I said to Hayley, it all ended in tears....I knew we shouldn't have drunk at fucking john green's house.

2003-05-12T19:35:00.000+10:00

Hallo there. I'm going to tell you about Saturday night.

Chris Green, Gary, Ellie, Max and I went to Chris' house (also known as the principals house) Ellie brought some illusions and a bottle of vodka and we were endlessly having shot after shot and smoke after smoke...until Gary started throwing up...then Zindzi and Hayley comes over...Ellie, Max and Gary go home and the rest of us go to North Hobart and find joelle and jishen. I'm pissed of my nut by now after 7 shots of vodka. So we decide to buy more alcohol and I then have 2 breezers and 2 cosmopolitans...anyway, that's about it....ooo and Tom? He's doing just fine :) I love him, luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv luv....^_^

2003-05-04T21:16:00.000+10:00

Okay point form of what's been happening.

-I'm going out with the sweetest guy ever, his name is Tom Luckman and he's in year 9...year 9? who gives a shit.

-Mel's party last night

Now detailed events that have been happening.

Friday: Tom stayed for dinner after school..(awwwww he's gorgeous)...heh the fire alarm went off so we had to go to our evacuation area....how embarassing to stand on the side of the road in the freezing cold!
Tom has an older sister 'Kate' who's going out with Sato, they were both spying on me and tom getting with eachother and Tom's reaction was 'oh no she's gonna tell mum'...hehe, I simply adore him ^_^

Saturday: Scholarship exam, It was okay. That night it was Mel's party, which was crankin'....hehe, good times, good times, good beer, good beer :)

Sunday: Hungover as shit, started decorating my door with cut outs from magazines. Tom rocked up and I was like in my pjs and looked hell dodgy, but then I got on my jeans and we went to subway...yummmmm. Anyway he came back to my joint after that and...yeh...la la that's my weekend...

I really really really love Tom, I swear he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm changing into a good person and it feels excellent! ^_^ Yay go me!

2003-04-23T16:42:00.000+10:00

ooo another thing, my baby WillO is going overseas, check out his website at www.whereiswill.com

2003-04-23T16:38:00.000+10:00

Isobar the other night was an okay club....there were so many hot people there!! I've slept at essie's house the past 2 nights...and remember that hot keyboarder from frenzal? he asked me out...I'll have to say no...because I got with Aidan and I like him more...so yeh..must bail...bye bye bye bye

2003-04-14T20:06:00.000+10:00

Oh my god, don't I have a few tales to tell....I'll start at Friday night.

Okay after school, I went into town with Tommy. We brought some smokes then met up with Lovi, Benny, Jesse, Skidz, Steve and Jezz at the movies to see Fat Pizza. It was a fucking wicked movie!! hehehe...afterwards, Jesse got our grog and we went up to Dano's house to start drinking. Hugh, Walds and Boris came up and we were all pissed off our nuts!!! We walked down to Greek up, where the party was at. Me, Essie and Anna and a few guys made this kissing competition to see how many people you can get with overall: I got with 11 people.

Essie
Anna
James Rice
Ryan Bean
Benn
Jesse
Woody
Hugh
Dan
Peter (from sacred heart)

fuck can't remember the rest...

Lovi got kicked out, Hugh wanted to jump off the balcony to get to him...ahhh so so funny.

Anyway on Saturday I just snoozed, went into town and attacked people with crazy string.

Sunday I got up early, put on my hell baggy 3/4 pants, my striped stockings and my skatey top. Frenzal Rhomb went off. There were a few other tassie bands there, most of them rocked and I managed to pick up this keyboarder guy from a band called Arcadia ^_^ Even though it rained, it was still a fucking good concert, my shoes are so dirty from the muddy mosh pit!!

2003-04-10T19:30:00.000+10:00

My whole weekend is planned....

Friday after school going to town.
Going to see Fat Pizza at the movies.
Mass party at the Greek Club....

Saturday: Sleeping forever, then town.

Sunday: FRENZAL!!! (okay so it was sunday not saturday!)

2003-04-08T21:37:00.000+10:00

Well yeh, I can't really get over Morten...boo friggidy hoo...I'm going to go see Frenzal Rhomb on Saturday and me and Hayley (new york exchange student) are dressing up hell punk. I found a hell wicked skirt today at St.Vinnies...hehe, I have a massive burn mark on my arm because I got pushed onto the edgoe of an electric frypan and it looks like I've got a birthmark shaped like a line...hehe, anyway I gotta bail.

2003-04-05T08:42:00.000+10:00

It was Eddie's birthday on Thursday. heh, I wuv him, but you know not that kind of love. As for Morten, I still like him...eventhought he said surprise surprise 'NO' because he said it would be too hard, and i was just like 'Nooooooo!' but hey shit happens.

2003-03-30T11:22:00.000+10:00

Hmm last night we got out the Japanese sequel to the Ring..which is called The Ring 2...hehehe, anyway, it wasnt really that scary but me and the asian girls had a bit of a scream! Hehehe, I had my tetunus and meningiccocol injections on Friday. 1 needles for each arm and my arm is still throbbing of pain after tetnus...AHHHH.

Today me and the boarding house crew are going to Bonorong Park which is this wildlife park I went to when I was like 6. I remember there was a Tassie Devil with 1 eye and I was throwing sticks at it. Hmm
I'm bailing bye bye.

2003-03-26T19:49:00.000+10:00

Note to self....Don't be a fool or an annoying brat around the person you like...

Honestly that's my main problem when it comes to guys. It's a fuck up. I played basketball tonight and some chick collided into my elbow which just swelled up to the size of a golf ball and I can see a huge bruise coming through and I can't really move some of my fingers...ahhhh I have another basketball game tomorrow night which should be perfectly fun.

I've found out that Hugh likes Essie. Well it's been pretty obvious for the pass 3 years!! ahhhhhhhh penis. But I dont really like hugh anymore because he is out of my league. Heh, I still bat Morten though....yes I still have a yearning for a boyfriend. But if Morten decides to make his decision a no I'm just gonna give up on guys....ahh no one wants me.

2003-03-24T19:36:00.000+10:00

I'm quitting smoking. It's stupid and honestly, it really is a dirty thing now. But it's gonna be hard, so my big brother Daniel is gonna help me...hehe I love him...okay he isnt really my brother, but he's like a brother to me. I've known him for ages now.

Yeh, I like Morten now by the way. I asked out the lush hot hugh a couple of weeks ago and he said no because he likes someone else. ahhhhhh...Morten is special to me, but hey. I'm not that much of an open speaker around people now, I've been keeping things to myself lately. Not many people know that i like Morten which is good. But I recently found out that if a boy from walker and a girl from robey go out, it's perfectly okay with Jennie. hmmmm Australia won the cricket yay!! well gotta go people. bye.

2003-03-22T11:25:00.000+10:00

Nothing much has been happening. sorry for the lack of updates. I'm playing basketball 4 times a week now, going to the gym every morning to swim...ahhhhh no no no time at all...

2003-03-03T18:39:00.000+10:00

I'm wearing Morten's jumper...hehe it smells like him, he's a champ. Anyway...I havent posted for ages.

-Willo's gotten on the radio (good on ya love)
-Saw the movie Jackass with Ben and Ellie
-Spent over $90 on my EFPOS card
-Done some shite with Tom *wink wink*
-Gotten a pooltable at Walker house
-Had my fucking school portrait photo taken AGAIN!
-Started wearing knee high socks with my school uniform (so kawaii and japanesey)

2003-02-26T18:31:00.000+10:00

I was just thinking about when I got with Tom...I remembered an email he sent to me:

your an attractive girl tanya and you turn me on, but you also freak me out. you say a lot of things and sometimes i dont know what to believe.

ive met so many cool girl people since i got here and ive said to myself that it wouldnt be a good idea to go chasing any of them yet, because i dont know any of them that well and id probably decide i liked somebody else a lot more anyway

i couldnt make an emotional commitent to you tanya because i dont think we have enough in common. but that doesnt stop me from finding you damn sexy

anyway that all might sound a bit blunt but i think you should know what i think so i dont lead you on

you should find some other nice boy to chase, one who'll pay more attention to you

keep it real

from tom

Anyway, I feel really bad, i've explained this to him and he said not to worry. anyway we ended up having a groping sesh in his room which could've gotten us both expelled. After that I wrote him an email saying how we have to secretive he replied:

im glad you understand where i am coming from. casual is good and private is good. i am still very much in the shit with jenny, who is taking every opportunity to have a go at me. actually maybe thats a bit harsh, but i really have to make an effort to stay out of the bad books. but dont let that put you off, its just that i need you to be discreet.

in fact this might sound strange, but it would turn me on even more if you almost ignore me when we are around other, and save it up for when we are alone.

write back and tell me if you are cool with this

tomorrow im going into town early to meet my cousin clare and her mum ellen for dinner and a movie so i wont be there after school or for dinner

but ill be here thursday arvo and looking forward to it

tom

2003-02-25T18:34:00.000+10:00

Yay, I got with Tom...a couple of times...yay...I love him...we have to keep it a secret too, by the way, Sam and daz, please take my blog link off your website, this is supposed to be personal, sorry guys.