Ooo Wait, Inspirational lyrics for today!
The way you talk
The way you moving closer
The way you kiss
The way your deep inside me
Cause every time
Every time I think about you
I want you just
Just the way you are
I'm really bored. It's 9.09am with nothing to do. I abandoned the idea of making that skirt for textiles and now I'm making a top, which looks waaay easier and besides I only have one more week to get things finished before exams. I've been studying non-stop, no really I have, yeh surprise surprise, Tanya who couldn't give a rats arse is studying. Maybe I'm changing, into a better person. Just imagine if I didn't study and failed my exams, Dad would've probably kicked me out of home and I'll be on the streets, doing drugs, probably becoming a prostitute.
Anyway, I went and saw the Matrix Revolutions with Gary and Clark last night, I was kinda disappointed at the movie, but I guess in a way it was okay.
I think I should do something for Ben, something to show him how sorry I am for putting him through so much shit, but what can I do? If anyone has any suggestions you can email me...my emails on the side of the page somewhere.
Well, I'm off to go watch DVDs, I'm so lonely. No more Jo or Soph, I've got nothing to do today, BORING!
Hmm, I really wish I was involved in a relationship now...haha 3 guesses you can guess who I want one with. Damn I just love Ben, everything about him I love...like that smile could light the darkest room. He knows how to look at me and make me smile. Every day, every time i see him, my love for him grows even more strong. Even though I've been in love with other people, this feeling for Ben is different. I make myself depressed, thinking about how perfect he is, and i know i can't have him. I've tried showing him how I feel and I know he knows that I care for him deeply, I swear, he'll always be a part of me. I love him soo much. Okay enough crying, I'm going to bail off to bed.
I spent all of Wednesday night writing Ben a 2 page letter on why he should go back out with me. Damn it took ages, even though I should've really been studying. I gave it to him and he read it but unfortunately he said no and felt really bad, but I stated in my letter that 'If you read this all and feel bad and don’t want to go out with me then please just don’t feel bad, just smile and be happy that someone out there really cares for you'. I don't know what to do, I broke down last night just before I went to sleep, I broke down mentally, it was really bad, I didn't sleep until 3am and now, i'm just tired as fuck because of it.
Hows about there was this car that caught on fire right outside my house on Wednesday night. It was really bad and it could've exploded, so scary!
Josefine's left yesterday, I'm going to miss her heaps because her humour was just so random! I really missed Max the other night, because we were having this boarding house session of looking at old photos, I cried really hard.
Chris green just made me cry a little in class the other day, Benny was saying 'do you love Ben?' and I'm like 'yeh' and then Chris goes 'Oh he fucking hates you' I don't know why but it really got to me and I started shedding tears.
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you.
I decided I couldn't be friends with ben today because of complications so I told him, I reckon it was the hardest thing I could ever tell him, but to me, seeing his face with a 'I don't think I really care' look just got to me and I broke down crying at lunch. Anyway, I made up with him later, it kills me though that I'm trying to study hardcore and I can't because I can only think of Ben. Well I'm off, bye bye.
I'm sitting in Religon, listening to Alex Lloyd, bored out of my mind.
People are telling me that I should just ask Ben out again, but they don't understand that he doesn't like me anymore. People say to me that he says he does to people which is complete shit because I know for sure he doesn't. At the moment, I'm lucky to be friends with him, even though I really really just want to go out with him because I love him heaps. I wonder what he thinks about everytime I tell him I love him? Does he feel bad? Does he appreciate it? Who knows, boys are funny things, still, girls need them in order to survive :) Well, If I do try and ask him out again (which I will never do), it would have to be a moment where I don't feel awkward enough and also at a moment where he isn't pissed off with me.
God damn, he's so hot. One of my friends likes him, which I'm really jealous about because she is actually in his grade and it sucks, but honestly I don't think she would even try and do anything because of me. Ohhhhhh I really really wish I was going out with him still, but then, I wouldn't have realised that he was unhappy because of my depression,
Well, saturday night was interesting. Wigg's party in kingston, well you know me enough to know that I can't be arsed writing big stories so dot points are heading your way.
-Spent saturday in town and got my formal dress and shoes :)
-Went to Essie's house with Essie and co.
-Got ready for the party.
-Went to the corner shop to buy coke.
-Started a party in the shop.
-Went to wiggs
-Got shitfaced.
-Apparently got with Ella and had her sitting in my lap.
-Went to MBS's house.
-Went to sleep.
Damn I was hung over though. Ben came over on Sunday and discovered a massive spider in my room, fucking oath it was HUGE!!
anyway, I'm off, bye bye signing out :)
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